Did I Survive? Yes.

This week I want to stress the importance of the relationships that people actually have with one another. There is a lot that can be taken for granted, underappreciated, and even unnoticed when you are with people who treat you well because that’s just how they are. Of course, sometimes you get mad at someone who treats you very well, and on the other hand, good people make mistakes. A very good friend had a good point: “We don’t do stupid stuff for no reason. We do it because we don’t think it will be stupid.”

As I reflect on the things that happened in my room this year, I can say that I have taken certain relationships for granted, and we have done things that were stupid just because we didn’t think they would be in the end. But then again, that’s life, isn’t it? People just have to keep deciding, making decisions all the time. It is like a test to see how many a person can make until there is one bad one that spoils everything before it.

That is like what happened when the roommates had a “blowout” a few weeks ago. It was one bad choice that almost wiped out all of the good ones that preceded it. We took our relationship as roommates for granted, and we took each other’s tolerance for granted when we should have been more careful to respect everyone without cutting corners.

Learning that is one of the most significant outcomes of living in this situation. As three weeks remain until summer, I can say I have learned more than I could have ever imagined. I care about people who were once strangers and no more than Facebook profiles. I know what it is like to share, live with others, adjust to different personalities/backgrounds, deal with people on their bad days, talk about problems without fighting, tolerate things that would have annoyed me at home, and adjust my lifestyle to fit with the circumstances I have.

Coming into a supplemental room was a challenge that I was forced to face, and luckily turned out to be one that I have faced successfully (unless something really bad happens in the next three weeks). Coming to college is much more than adjusting to a new place, meeting new people, and studying for good grades. I have found it to be a way of modifying myself. It’s the first time, for me at least, where I am living apart from my family and friends. It is a series of challenges and tests that I have had to face, and to get through the year, I have had to pass. I know that makes it seem like a totally stressful and horrifying experience, but I’ve tried to go through it all hoping for beginner’s luck and some chances to try again later.

Resettling-In

This week served as an adjustment period for most of the roommates as well as myself. Things are basically back to normal, and I mean normal in the way where we just go about our business without carrying loads of extra bitterness or anger with us over anything. Even though it is certainly different than it was in the beginning of the school year and even in the beginning of this semester, the way things are now makes the new definition of “normal” that we will live with for the next two and a half weeks until the semester ends.

It is not exactly a totally warm environment like it was before when everyone was on the same page and it did not feel like there were cliques or drama, but it’s not harsh and cold either. Everyone just does her own thing and we live together civilly with an air of friendliness. Luckily, tension never got so bad that we felt really uncomfortable with each other. That would certainly complicate things.

The end of the semester is dishing out a lot of homework, and most of the time, even when we are all in the room, is spent in silence with only the faint tapping of keyboards drifting to our ears. It seems like the only bursts of energy come in the morning when we are rushing to get out after a late night of studying or crawling into bed when we can finally take a break to sleep.

It is a little disappointing to see how the dynamic of the entire group has changed, but I feel like my relationship with each person individually has grown for the better. After all, we were all thrown into this situation as random strangers and have accomplished a lot in terms of building relationships with each other and learning how to live with people; I am proud of that. Looking back to the beginning of the year, it is strange to see how what I thought of as “normal” among the roommates has changed, but I can see for sure it is something that I experienced before but never recognized.

Close Call

Well, I called it. The first major conflict did occur, and everyone was pretty upset about it. My roommates texted me to come back to the room as soon as possible this weekend because we needed to have a talk with everyone together to make sure we shared the same feelings and addressed the problems at hand. What happened differently than the usual things that have been going on recently? This time, people came back to the room to have a guy stumble in and then decide to go onto the bed of one of our roommates. For a while, people did not know he was there because only two of them saw him come in. But, when people did see him (asleep), some did not recognize him at all and a few others recognized him as someone who lived on the floor above us. Either way, it is shocking to come in, go about your business before climbing into, and THEN realize that there was guy in the room the whole time.

When I got there after rushing back by myself at night, I first wanted to get him out of our room because he was left there unattended when the rest of the roommates decided to go downstairs to talk because they felt awkward in the room. However, when I went up, he was too big for me, or any of us to move, and in such a “deep sleep” that he would not wake up, or even react. That was frustrating to say the least. Instead, I tried calling the roommate who is friends with him, but it was also a few calls before I got an answer from her. Also frustrating. But, what frustrated everyone was that when they told her they felt uncomfortable with him there (and the fact that none of us were forewarned) and politely asked for her to tell him to leave the room, she ignored the request and went instead to sleep somewhere else. Needless to say, a disagreement broke out.

The talk between the group of us addressed that, and eventually we came to the conclusion that we are all guilty of not saying something when we have felt uncomfortable in the room, and the reason we have never said anything is because it will be taken personally and spitefully instead of respectfully. When people asked for him to leave, it was because it felt weird to have someone unaccompanied in the room with whom we were not friends; it was not supposed to be a big deal for him to go upstairs to his room, but it was taken personally, and responded to that way when we were supposed to “deal with it.” Hopefully all the roommates will keep the result of the talk in mind from here on out. If not, something like this could happen again, and it could be worse.

Red Alert

The supplemental has been having quite a few visitors lately. Most of them are linked to only one of the girls, and they seem to enjoy visiting our spacious box of a room. Usually they are pretty talkative, so we know when they are over, but one in particular is like a mystery. It is hard to detect a presence.

This particular visitor is male, and never really gives a warning as to when he will come in or if he is even there, which presents a few issues. First, there have been conflicts with him in the past that make him an unwelcome visitor in the minds of the majority of the roommates. Unfortunately, addressing this twice still has not solved the problem of him visiting, so hopefully the third time’s the charm! Second, it is quite unsettling when you want to change and then realize in the middle of doing so that there is a guy in the room. Third, it is also awkward sitting right on the other side of him with only a thin hanging sheet in between, and he is not talking with the roommate he knows. I would like to do my homework in peace and quiet, not in a cloud of awkwardness.

It is not a little problem that I am facing alone; he annoys the other roommates more than he bothers me. The roommate who he comes to see knows that the rest of us are not fond of him in the least, yet he remains as a guest. When he comes, there is always an elephant in the room, and we are close to bringing up the problem in his presence. Could this be our first major conflict? It is quite possible. When patience is thin and tension is thick, it is easy for a confrontation to occur.

Bonding Unexpectedly

Today, a comparison between my roommates and I and a high-school lunch table crossed my mind. Seven or eight girls who are friends and sit together every day at lunch is almost like a weaker version of the seven of us who live together. We share our drama with each other, obviously see each other often, can pick up on each other’s moods, know each other’s fashion styles, share things in common, etc.

However, I think that any time a group expands beyond three people, more often than not, there bound to be mini-cliques that function as even stronger friendships. I don’t want to use “clique” in a negative sense here either. I simply mean that when a group is large, some people will be better friends with other people. Within the larger group, each person will have her closest friend of the group.

I have noticed this among the girls in my room. We all started out awkwardly getting to know each other, and the first two weeks of school consisted of almost purely small-talk. That was the initial stage of getting to know one another. We first had to make sure that nobody was going to turn out to be crazy or have some unforeseen extreme personality. As time went on, especially as a result of living together, we got better senses of each other’s personality, naturally causing some of us to click better together.

Seeing the stronger bonds between certain roommates is actually very surprising. The pairs are not between people who have similar backgrounds, or even seemingly similar personalities at first glance. Some friendships are totally unexpected, but great nonetheless.

Thinking about this, maybe cliques are not so bad once you get out of high-school. As long as people know how to behave and bring new ideas and people to the table, there could be meaningful relationships and good results!

Eight Mini Tornados

Eight girls and all their stuff is a lot to have all in one room. When closets are only about a meter wide and a foot and a half deep, and the dresser drawers hold a limited amount of clothing, it is a question of whether or not everything will even fit in the room! Add onto that backpacks, notebooks, textbooks, shoes, mirrors, tissue boxes, and other miscellaneous items. Put it all into one big open space, and it is easy to feel like things are everywhere!

There are eight people who have to keep their stuff neat, eight heads of hair being brushed, eight faces being made up, etc. As you can imagine, there is glitter, dust, and hair in even the tiniest corners and nooks. How long could it take the room to become a mess? Not long at all. It is easy to see when things are out of place (especially looking down with a bird’s eye view from the loft), but I will say that there is an air of organized chaos. It is nearly impossible to keep one’s space pristine, especially when that space needs to hold what seems like a million things and consists of about five square feet and a bed.

However, so far, everyone’s mess has been contained. Whatever I pile up on my desk or bed doesn’t touch any of my roommates’ spaces. Whatever they pile or leave lying around doesn’t infringe upon my space. We keep the boundaries clean even when our stuff isn’t. Probably everyone’s mom has yelled at least once to clean up the bedroom, saying that it looks like a tornado hit. What about when you know where everything is in that tornado though? I’d say it’s neat enough! Luckily this unspoken experience from the past is shared among my roommates, and it is the one rule that has made sure we always leave a walking path! Being respectful of other people’s spaces and always maintaining your own up to a certain point is been key to making sure nobody gets on anyone else’s nerves (or space)!

What You Can't Learn in Books

When school first started, all eight roommates were fascinated with our room. It was huge! Giant! So much space compared to the regular dorm-room double! We have an upstairs, four doors, four mini-fridges, big windows, floor space, a high ceiling, and we're at the end of the hallway. It was pretty cool to walk in on move-in day and say, "This is where I will be living."

After a week or so of living in this room, everyone living in it got used to it. This was what we slowly started to call "home." Every day we could just walk in after classes (usually without even needing keys because someone is always here), plop our stuff onto our desks, and take a little break while chatting with some of the other roommates. The look of the room and finding out who was living in it were not new to us.

However, other people in our building and on our floor were still in awe, so we got a lot of visitors. Most of them would timidly knock on the door, but there were a few who took a different route...

The most memorable happened at 2 a.m. the second week of school. One of our upstairs doors started shaking as all of us were in bed trying to fall asleep. We figured it was the guy who lives in the room right next to our door going inside his room.

That wasn't the case.

Light flooded in and three people came in. It was terrifying! From the positioning of my bed, I was the only one who could see the door open and all three people come in. None of us wanted to confront them with our pajamas, bedhead, and makeup-less faces, so we all kind of hid under the covers and looked around in the dark downstairs. It took about thirty seconds for a few people to say, "Hello?" but nobody answered.

Before we knew it, two of the people left and trapped one inside by holding the door shut from the outside. It also just so happened that the one trapped inside was only wearing a towel...

When we noticed that, our bravest roommate came down from her bunk and marched upstairs to reprimand these people who did turn out to be boys from upstairs who decided to exploit the fact that we were still not sure how to mess with the lock on that door to get it to properly lock. They said they wanted to see what the room looked like because they thought we would not let them in during the day. After releasing the one guy in the towel, we were finally able to fully lock the door and get some rest, but we don't think the tension we intentionally created between these "friendly" neighbors allowed them to get as much rest. We didn't react with laughs or games as they probably expected, and the relationship between them and us has been a little tense ever since then.

But, I must say I am glad it was only a few wacky boys who got inside. It could have been other people who were more dangerous or had bad intentions. Looking back on it, I would have to say I learned to never let your guard down too much, and don't burn bridges by betraying any existing sense of trust. In our case, our room was different, so people wanted to see it, even when they were wearing only a towel. Lesson in security: lock up. You don't know what's outside your door.

:)

A symphony of alarms goes off in the morning, and it’s time for everyone to wake up—after each person presses snooze a few times. None of us ever feel like we’ve had enough sleep, and we know that the next night probably won’t be able to make up for that. Sometimes somebody will sleep through her alarm and won’t be awakened by the choir of others echoing off the walls and high ceilings in the background. Every time, someone will walk over to whomever sleeps through and gently wake her up to make sure she doesn’t miss class or have to rush and get stressed out at the very beginning of the day.

Sometimes we feel like each other’s mothers, the way we try to make sure everyone wakes up on time among other things. We always give encouragement before exams, big events, speeches, or stressful days. Sometimes we even leave each other little post-it notes as surprises for when we wake up on each other’s laptops or desks. Sometimes there is even a little candy with a note or picture just to make sure everyone is smiling. Some people might attribute these acts as typical of sappy girls or people who are trying to kiss up to each other, but neither one of those reasons stands behind why we try to make each other smile.

We try to make each other smile because we care about how each other feels, and even more, we have learned to realize that making someone else smile makes oneself smile. When you live with people, you quickly get to know them for who they are, and they get to know you for who you truly are. It is extremely hard to hide anything, especially given these specific circumstances of sharing a room. Therefore, people will know when you hare stressed. People will know when you are having a bad day. People will know when you can use a little cheering up. When you see people try to act on those realizations to make you feel better, it is evident that they genuinely care about you.

No one is obligated to take time out of her day to make anyone else feel better, but it happens regardless. Being lucky enough to be paired with people who care for each other as family members do is something for which I will always be thankful. So, whether you leave someone a little surprise note, even if it just has a smiley face on it or come up with something extravagant, know that he/she will realize you care, and both of you can smile together!

Story of the Week

Awkward and embarrassing moments. They are bound to happen, especially as a freshman in college. You are knocked down to the bottom of the totem pole and have to learn the ways of the new life into which you are placed. It is impossible to navigate through flawlessly without messing up somewhere along the way, and even though we learn from the mistakes we make, they can sometimes be enough to make us feel like complete idiots and ruin our day. There will surely be times when our naïveté gets the best of us, but that’s just part of being young. Wisdom comes with experience…hopefully. So, why not celebrate the mistakes and awkward moments that will hopefully make us wiser in the long run?

That’s what we are doing in supplemental with “Story of the Week.” Basically, all of my roommates and I go about our lives as usual and almost wait for something to happen. We tell each other about our days and what we are up to, and usually, there is someone who has an awkward or unique experience beyond everyone else’s. That person then wins “Story of the Week.” What is the reward? You get a gold star on the Story of the Week board and a clever title for the event is written in the box corresponding to your name and that weekend. Also, everyone gets to ask you about what awkwardness or embarrassment you endured.

Now, I’m not trying to portray this as anything for winners to be ashamed of. I am actually tied for first place. If you win, it means that everyone, including yourself, was able to get a good laugh out of the situation. That’s the entire point of Story of the Week: learning to laugh at times that we could easily stress over. Even though the actual moment when these things occurred could have felt like torture, the aftermath makes it worth it. Plus, it has helped us bond in a way that I find unique.

Nobody feels the need to hide anything, and we know that even on our worst of days, we will have friends who make us laugh and feel better. What would college be without weird run-ins, awkward encounters, or embarrassing instances? Pretty dull, if you ask me. Story of the Week is a way to reward my roommates for enduring something embarrassing with a good laugh. What’s your story of the week? Maybe it is time to step up the competition.

Keep Your Head Up

Living in the middle of a room surrounded by other people is not the best situation for privacy. Anyone can see what you are doing at almost any time. Everyone learns your habits. In supplemental housing, roommates know if you are sleeping. They know if you’re awake. They know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake. That being said, it is pretty easy to get on someone else’s nerves or have someone else get on yours. Even in normal situations where you are around people, whether sitting next to a random guy on the bus, doing a project with your co-workers, or talking to your mom on the phone, it’s easy to get aggravated. That’s part of life. Sometimes you feel like the person is doing something rude, stupid, inconsiderate, etc., and other times you know it is innocent, but maybe you are having a bad day. Depending on the person and situation, you can get over it, fight it out, or harbor a secret hatred forever. But, for me, I am in the middle space between family that I can fight and make up with in an instant, and friends who will be offended if there is any type of conflict. This is where things get touchy. Coming across as too critical can ruin a friendship. Never telling the person what is wrong can make life nearly unbearable. Having a high-school-like gossip battle never ends well, and fighting it out like you would with family can get messy because not everyone will love or forgive you at the end of the day. I would be lying if I said life was totally perfect in a room like mine. It has definitely worked out for the better, but there are times when I have wanted to move out or leave for the weekend as a consequence of how I was feeling toward my roommates. I am not saying I dislike any of them, but there are times when I felt frustrated. What happens when these times arise? Luckily, nothing detrimental, but that is because of how situations have been handled: honestly and with patience. I cannot stress enough the importance of honesty and patience. To resolve anything you must make sure the issue is brought to others’ attention in a truthful way, and while discussing it and looking for solutions, it is key to take enough time to make progress. Sugarcoating or lying will let the problem rest just as rushing to a solution will most likely create an inadequate one. Even worse, rushing to a solution may give off the impression that the problem was insignificant, allowing it to continue guiltlessly. That can be okay if that is honestly what the situation calls for, but in a living situation where problems and habits can be ongoing, it is necessary to make a solution that is livable and convenient enough for both parties. Some days everything will be annoying, but it doesn’t have to be that way every day if you work to make it better!

"Just Keep Swimming"

            Going from having my own room and bathroom to sharing a room with seven people and a bathroom with an entire floor were certainly aspects of college life that I was stressing.  At home, I liked having my own space, silence and darkness at night, the ability to leave my lights on until whenever I was going to bed, and basically the freedom to do almost anything without worrying about disturbing someone around me.  At the time, little did I realize that all of those things are luxuries—things I definitely took for granted.  Moving in to supplemental housing, I knew I would have to try to adjust to being careful about not only disturbing one roommate, but seven roommates.  I would not be able to have all the lights on, make noise, etc., and I could not expect complete silence and darkness when I wanted to sleep.  People have things to do and work to get done, even if it is 2 a.m. 

            I was fixated on “try your best” before moving in, and upon moving in, I realized that I would have to do more than that.  It wasn’t going to be about trying.  It was about doing. 

Take the situation, accept it for what it is, and deal with it. 

That was my new philosophy.  I wouldn’t have time to “try” living in a room with eight people.  I would just have to do it, whether I liked it or not, no trial beforehand. 

Honestly, that’s how a lot of life goes.  Sometimes the first time is your only chance to get it right.  Now, I’m not saying it is wrong to make mistakes or that mistakes or trying things out are bad.  But, I have realized how important a first effort can be.  I have also realized how just taking things for what they are, whether they are people or situations, and not dwelling on little negative aspects or trying to change things that won’t change has made life easier for me.

            Complaining won’t fix anything.  Thinking about how bad something will be will not, in any way, make it better.  It will be bad before you even experience it.  Stopping to be negative solves nothing, so just keep going.  It will get better eventually, and you won’t be stressed out still when it does.  Accepting situations as they are and not stressing myself out about them does wonders.  In the words of Nike, “Just do it.”   

“Not happening.” That was the first thing I said when I found out that I would be living in a giant room with eight girls I had never met.  Welcome to supplemental housing, what I thought would be my worst nightmare as a freshman in college.  How can eight girls live peacefully together? In my mind, there was no way.  You see, even if all of the girls aren’t catty or superficial, I was sure there would be at least one.  One who I would just not like.  One who would make me want to move out even faster than I already did.  One who would be “that girl.”

I was set on moving out.  I actually didn’t even unpack everything when I moved in because I didn’t anticipate staying for long.  There was no way I would sleep or have fun trying to deal with eight strangers and their very different personalities.  I considered myself way to shy, private, and self-conscious to live with that many other people, and figured that everyone else would want to party while I don’t even drink.  However, what I should have considered myself was judgmental.    

Thank goodness I was wrong.  I have made lifelong friends who I feel know me better than some people who have known me my whole life.  I have grown up a lot, learned to take things one at a time, and more than that, I have learned how to live with other people. 

The biggest change I have made is on my perspective of others.  While it is very easy to assume things about other people based on first impressions, looks, gossip, etc., there is no value in it.  I have learned that a lot of assumptions are a waste of time that bring extra worries and create stress.  How much can you really know from someone’s Facebook profile?  How much can you really know about someone based on where he/she comes from?  How much can you really know about someone before you get to know him/her?  Not too much, honestly.  I know that seems pretty obvious, but then why is making judgments such a habit?  Why is it a habit when we know they probably don’t mean too much, and usually don’t mean anything by them?  The little value they hold can get in the way of making a valuable friend.  Luckily for me that didn’t happen, and no matter what freshman year may hold--awkwardness, sadness, excitement, thoughtfulness, intellect, etc.--I am grateful to have friends to experience it with me.